Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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