Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
