please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
