I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
