her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Even my vagina gasped.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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