Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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