Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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