I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
