Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
