ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
