do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
