4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
