How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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