he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
