Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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