He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
