Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
