Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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