I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
