i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
