Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize