Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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