i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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