Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think my tv is drunk
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
is it fun? or sober?
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