Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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