oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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