Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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