How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
