No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
