is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
