just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have post one night stand depression
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
