Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
