how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
