Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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