Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
