Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
