Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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