Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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