Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
