Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the condom got lost in my hair
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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