We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize