So drunk its hurt
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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