were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
