would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So many bounce houses so little time
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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