my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am naked and annoyed.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
