That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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