He uses pillows to masturbate.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
