i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
