Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
