You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
