yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm jealous of your bromance
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
