so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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