we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
