god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
