worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
