i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
