shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
