it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize