you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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