no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
