Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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