if only i could text you this smell
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
