ADVERTISEMENT

• (661): View more from California

  I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.

  Fav 24 3818 872

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  I puked off the balcony.

  (1-831): View more from California

  Not horrible

  (831): View more from California

  Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.

  Fav 11 2720 9413

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (916): View more from California

  Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?

  Fav 19 4664 1270

  share tweet
  

• (718): View more from New York

  all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over

  Fav 14 7745 1456

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.

  Fav 13 4654 1554

  share tweet
  

• (281): View more from Texas

  I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.

  Fav 16 5169 1255

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (510): View more from California

  Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"

  Fav 14 3656 1843

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work

  Fav 11 4270 1273

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.

  Fav 15 810 2529

  share tweet
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Omg sara

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty

  Fav 8 1912 818

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.

  Fav 0 716 455

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.

  Fav 1 563 661

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.

  Fav 4 856 343

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.

  Fav 0 224 124

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (863): View more from Florida

  Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.

  (813): View more from Florida

  What. The. Fuck.

  (863): View more from Florida

  Family acid trip.

  Fav 0 39 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize