Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize