I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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